Testimony

Today was a rough day for me, for many reasons. It was mainly just one of those down in the dumps, poor me days. And for some reason, nighttime magnifies those feelings. I was ready to throw in the towel and end the day by heading off to bed early, when I saw my scriptures by the rocking chair. I couldn't ignore them and sat down to read a few chapters before sleep. As I read, my feelings of sadness, frustration, and guilt were replaced with feelings of peace and calmness. My mind was able to relax and let go of the negative things I had been feeling earlier. My testimony of the importance of personal scripture study was strengthened. Not only can we find answers to questions we have in the scriptures, we can also find peace in reading the words of our Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. I know I felt their presence as I read tonight.

Marriage

If you've read my other blog, you know that Jason left this morning for a rotation in Powell. I have been dreading this week for a little while now. I hate the goodbyes, I hate knowing that I won't get to see him at the end of the day, I hate the fact that he is so far away. As I watched him pull out of the parking lot, I cried and cried until I could hardly catch my breath.
This may be silly to some, especially since I will see him in a few days when I go up to visit. But he truly is my best friend. We don't know go out and do things with other people because we like to be together, and it has been this way since the beginning of our relationship. It is so hard to be away from him because he means everything to me. Even though our marriage my not be 100% perfect, I think we are a perfect pair. I am so thankful that Heavenly Father blessed me with such a wonderful man.

Patience

For those of you who know me, really know me, know that patience is not one of my strong points. I constantly am working on and praying for help in having patience with my children. In life I struggle too. I am a person who likes instant gratification. When I want something, I want it now and feel annoyed when it doesn't happen or I don't get it right then and there. The missionaries came by Sunday night and shared some thoughts and scriptures with us on the importance of having patience.

One of the Elders read Alma 26:27

Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.

His companion then asked me if I had any specific experiences to share where I had exercised patience and reaped the blessings. At the time I couldn't come up with anything (mainly due to the fact that I was wrestling Katelyn on my lap), so I was honest and confessed my lack of patience and desire to be better. Then he asked Jason the same question. Of course, he was ready and waiting with an answer. He shared with them how we applied for Pharmacy school 3 times before we got in. He talked about how hard it was to be rejected and unsure of what to do. In our eyes we were living our lives right, praying and fasting to get into school only to be let down. After two years I was ready to throw in the towel. Jason wanted to keep trying. I'm sure glad we did. Then Jason commented on how if we had gotten into school either of those two previous years, there's a good chance that the job we have now wouldn't have been available then. A job that is one aspect short of perfection in my eyes (the travel still worries me. It doesn't bother Jason at all, in fact I think he will enjoy the time to relax). And the two extra years that we've had to spend in Laramie have been wonderful. We've been able to make wonderful memories, grow spiritually, serve in callings that have been nothing but a blessing, and be surrounded by wonderful people. I feel so blessed that we happened upon this job. That Heavenly Father did answer our prayers, that Jason was patient enough to wait for the answer, and now we get to do with our lives exactly what we have always dreamed of.

I haven't been able to get this circumstance out of my mind and have wondered what other blessings I have missed out on due to my lack of patience. So along with time, I plan to work on patience this year and be more thankful for all the things that Heavenly Father blesses me with.

Time

I know that I have been quite the slacker with this blog, but I intend to be better at updating it.


With every new year, I make resolutions. Usually it's a list a mile long. Things that I will forget about and/or abandon in the first few weeks of trying.

This year, I took a different approach. I want to work on one big thing. The rest like being a better house keeper, having more patience, losing weight, daily scripture study are givens. I constantly need to be working on those, but this year I am going to focus on changing my life for the better in the aspect of time.

To be honest, I waste a lot of time doing.....nothing. That has become clear to me over the past month or so. I seem to stay pretty busy throughout the day, but most of the time I couldn't tell you what I was busy doing.

I need to govern my time on the computer, watching TV, and even cleaning better. I want to focus more time on my children, teaching them and helping them gain a testimony of the gospel and a love for the Savior. I want to focus more time on studying the gospel. I want to focus more time on service and sharing the gospel with those I come in contact with. I want to focus more time on my relationship with Jason. In short, I want to focus my time on things that are important, truly important.

It was reaffirmed to me this morning that this is indeed the area I need to focus on in my life.

As I was puttering around the house this morning, I thought about this new goal and committed in my mind to take action. I turned on the BYU station for noise (because there isn't enough of that in my house already) and noticed that it was a worship service. I was hoping that it would have been a devotional or Women's conference address. I was just about to turn it off when the Bishop who was speaking said this.

"Great sorrow comes when people give first class loyalty to second class causes because in the end those causes betray them. The opposite is also true. Great happiness comes when people devote themselves to first class causes. Where are you focusing your time?"

I stood there stunned for a moment, and questioned if I had really just heard what I thought I had. That message was meant for me. I felt it was a confirmation and a boost, that what I was doing was right. It created an excitement in me and an affirmation of my testimony that Heavenly Father knows me individually and will help me with the things I ask Him to.

I went on a mad hunt to find the quote that the Bishop gave. I wanted his exact words. I found it by replaying the worship service on the BYU TV website and jotting it down on a piece of paper. I have since then played it over and over in my head and asked myself the question, Where am I focusing my time?

I am excited to improve this area of my life and growing closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior because of it.

My Blessings

Every fast Sunday, our Bishop asks us to take some time and count our blessings. Before I get ready for Church, I thought I would jot down a few things I'm thankful for. There is no way I could ever write them all done at one time because I feel my life has been very blessed. So here a just a couple:

1. My family, Jason, Katelyn, and Jacob, of course. I constantly wonder what I did to deserve such wonderful people in my life.
2. My testimony. Even though my practices go in waves like the Lamanites, I have never doubted the gospel and the truthfulness of it's teachings. I know I am the happiest, when I am living my life accordingly.
3. My Savior, for his atonement. So that I can repent when I make my mistakes and know that I can be forgiven through his sacrifice for me.
4. My health. I am so thankful that I can get up each day and play with my kids and be active with them.
5. For my home. I love being in my apartment. We live a very comfortable life and haven't had to want for much (except for maybe the unnecessary things ;))
6. For both mine and Jason's education. I realize this is a blessing, that this opportunity is not available to everyone who desires it. I am so thankful for the life and stability that Jason's job with provide for us when he's done.
7. For mine and Jason's parents. For their example of how to do a good job of raising kids and how to live a righteous life.
8. For my sisters who are my best friends. I know I can count on them to be there for me at anytime.

I know my Heavenly Father has blessed me greatly in my life, and that I need to work on showing a greater appreciation through my actions to Him.

I would like to encourage you to reflect on your blessings.

Have a good Sunday!

Scripture Study

I wanted to share some thoughts from this morning's scripture study. I was reading in Mormon about the great wars between the Nephites and the Lamanites and all that Mormon witnessed while he was the leader and as an observer. I'll have to be honest. These chapters have been hard for me to read. They're obviously in there for a purpose, and we need to read them, but my mind was tired of reading about all the bloodshed and sacrificing and wickedness of both sides. My reading turned into the "just reading but not processing" state. Where you know you have read several verses but couldn't tell anyone what it was about (maybe some of you know have experienced this too). But when I got to Mormon 5:10 something happened...my mind comprehended what it was reading and I read the verse over and over again.


10 And now behold, this I speak unto their seed, and also to the Gentiles who have care for the house of Israel, that realize and know from whence their blessings come.

The words "that realize and know from whence their blessings come", stopped me in my tracks and brought me back to what I was reading. So much of the time I forget where my blessings come from. I always remember to ask for help when I need it because I know that Heavenly Father hears my prayer. Where I fail is in returning and giving thanks for the things He blesses me with and the prayers He answers. After my mind was refreshed, I was able to go back to the first of the chapter and receive a better understanding of why these records of such an awful time are kept, so that the remnant of the people will have a record and that future generations will know of the wickedness and not follow in the footsteps of these wicked people. I also read that Mormon only tells a little of what happens. "Therefore I write a small abridgement, daring not to give a full account of the things which I have seen, because of the commandment which I have received, and also that ye might not have too great sorrow because of the wickedness of this people."

Today even though I wasn't as actively engaged in my scripture study as I should have been, I was so thankful for the reminder that I need to be more grateful to my Heavenly Father for all that He has given me.

Albertsons

Today Jake and I went to Albertsons. They were having some really good sales on things we already buy, so I decided to swing by there before doing the rest of our shopping at Walmart. I knew that hauling Jacob into two places around nap time was pushing it, but I did it anyway. On the way into Albertsons, he was being a big turkey: playing the middle of the road, running away from me, banging on the pop machines, and million other things that made me want to scream and we weren't even in the store yet. I finally got him under control and headed toward the entrance. Just as the door swung open for us to go in, an elderly lady was on her way out so the door on the other side swung out toward us. Jake broke away from me and darted into that other door, but the lady's cart was in the way. She tried to tell him to move so that the door didn't shut on him, but the words weren't even out of her mouth before the door started closing. I was already on the other side a couple steps in the door when I saw what was happening. I rushed out the door and into the other side and grabbed his just as it closed on his arm. I was able to pull it out in time, but it resulted in some scratches on his arm. Jake immediately started bawling and having a major melt down. I'm not one to judge his pain because I've never had my arm shut in a door, but he was really putting on the show. The lady tried to console him by patting his back and apologized a million times. I tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault and that he would be okay. She left while I was still trying console him, and all I could picture was the sadness in her eyes. Jake eventually calmed down (with the help of a package of doughnut holes), and we went on with our shopping. The whole time I was walking up and down the isles, I kept thinking about that lady and how she must have felt. Even though it was in no way her fault, she felt bad because she had backed up to let Jacob in causing the door to shut. I know how I would have felt if I would have been in a similar situation. I worry about everything, and I'm sure it would have been on my mind a long time.
After we finished up at Albertsons, we headed to Walmart. Jake was busy finding "Blue's Clues", and I was rushing up and down the isles trying to get out of there as fast as I could. I was just ready to head down the baking isle, when the lady from Albertson's turned the corner. She looked at me for a minute and then came up to Jake. I told her that he was just fine and that everything was going to be okay. I told her it was in no way her fault and she wished us well. As soon as we parted ways, I felt so thankful that I had run into her one more time, to let her know everything was okay. I immediately said a silent prayer and thanked my Heavenly Father for letting us cross paths again so I could make things right.